social media

hi friends!  if you're reading this, you're probably reading this because you clicked on my link either in instagram or facebook.  let me get it out there that i LOVE social media.  social media life is my best life.  literally...my social media is made up photos and words that represent the very best of my life.  my social media is my real life, but it is not ALL of my real life.  it is not the bad, not usually the sad, and not the annoying parts of life.  why am i telling you this?  well, i feel compelled as a consistent poster and user of social media, that i should share my what and why...much like i share and show ellie what i put on social media.

i am very sensitive to the fact that what i put on the internet will always be able to be found on the internet.  i have a few friends who do not post or rarely post photos of their kiddos for that reason.  i get it.  i am curating my kiddos' digital life by what i post.  so that being said, am i going to post photos or words describing them not at their best, having blow outs as babies, or not fully clothed [more on that in a minute]?  not a chance.  now hear me out because i am not trying to preach [i do love a good soap box though], and i am most definitely not judging what other parents do, but i am trying to share my method behind the madness of my social media.

i am a perfectionist in every form or fashion of the word.  because i am a perfectionist, i haven't started on ellie, lucy, or charlie's baby books [procrastination is perfectionism's best friend].  but you know what i can do?  i can take 87 photos of a moment and post the very best one...and guess what happens when i do that?!  i have a digital time stamp!  i use my social media as my own scrapbook for the moment until i can get my rear in gear to make the baby books and our family yearbooks.

now do i have photos of our not great moments?  absolutely.  i have the videos too!  i love sharing these over laughter with our family and our people.  there is nothing i love more than to grab a cup of coffee and talk all about parenting, families, values, intentionality, you name it face-to-face with my people.  i am so grateful to share my parenting struggles, mom fails, and challenges with my kiddos to those people i do life alongside.  i do not share our challenging moments on social media because i don't want those things on the internet for my kiddos to read about in ten, twenty, etc. years.

i recently took a course called the birds & bees [so so good and will chat about this in a future post], and this course was about teaching your kiddos about sex starting around ellie's age and how to keep the conversation going in a respectful and medical way.  from following the birds & bees on instagram, i heard about the book pictured in my post called good pictures bad pictures, jr. , and it is all about porn proofing your children.  well, they confirmed in the book what i had thought through in my social media life. on one of the pages of the book, it says, "bad pictures show the private parts of the body that we cover with a swimsuit."  BINGO!

ellie loves to take photos with my phone, and some of these photos are my favorite.  even though she is 4.5 years old, i know what i say, do, and expect lays the groundwork for her digital future.  she knows she is not allowed to take photos of anyone who is not fully clothed and that mommy will not post the super cute family photos of ellie & charlie in the bathtub!  don't get me wrong--the photos of littles with their bare hineys in the summer or in the tub are some of the quintessential photos of childhood, and they make me smile when i see them.  but, like my favorite parenting quote, "begin as you mean to go," i don't want to confuse ellie as to why i posted photos of her in the tub or with her shirt off when she was little when i fully expect her to not take nor post photos of her without a top on [since girls wear bathing suits covering their chest] when she is older.

now, i know i am a super deep thinker, and some may say over thinker [wink, wink], but it is just the way i'm wired.  even when my goal was to make all A's until college, my fifteen year old brain [y'all know i was born like forty years old] wanted to do well in school, so i could tell my future kiddos that i did that and expect them of that as well [thankfully my thirty year old brain knows that is such faulty logic because i will not expect them to do anything like me because "i did it, so you will too," but at least my heart was in the right spot?!] 

all of this train of thought to say...i think most people use social media to showcase their very best and favorite parts of life, and i love that!  i hope my kiddos understand [when they're twenty and get their first cell phone...ha!], that social media IS a highlight reel, but how fun that can be!  and that God puts incredible people in our daily lives to do the good, bad, and ugly with.  i also hope my kiddos hold on deeply to the meaning of the words in the children's bible song "to be careful little eyes what you see, etc." because what a powerful thing good and bad pictures are!  and even going beyond just pictures, i want them [and myself] to realize the power pictures and words have from the people we let ourselves follow on social media as well.  my goal for the next few months is to really ponder who and what i follow on social media and make sure it encourages, inspires, or brings joy to me.  if it doesn't, then it's got to go!

what are y'all's thoughts on that?  mommas who are ahead of me on parenting...how did and do you protect your kiddos in this digital age?

off to college

as y'all may have seen from my social media post on tuesday, the kiddos and i took a little trip to athens.  we had a ton of fun, and i captured precious photos of ellie and charlie living their best life right where they are...at 4.5 years old and almost 15 months old.  however, those of you that know me best know there was more going on in my brain than just "having a picnic on north campus." 

when we drove onto campus, we were joined by many parents and just-graduated high school seniors who were attending their college orientation.  i wish i could adequately describe the thoughts that were circling in my head, but i'll just give a brief overview of the "balance" hanging there and get on with my conclusion from the day! :)  it has been twelve summers since i had my freshman orientation at uga, and ellie will have her college orientation in fourteen summers.  so, we're almost at the halfway point between my college experience and hers.  how amazing is that?!  i was flooded with nostalgia as i was driving my kiddos around campus showing them [although only ellie got it] where "mommy and daddy lived in college, where we took classes, where daddy picked me up for our first date," etc.

as we were driving around campus, i couldn't help but look at all of the parent/young adult pairs and wondering what each one was thinking.  i, too, felt half like the girl going to college in the fall and half like the parent taking her daughter to college.  to say it was this weird paradox would be an understatement.  but it was awesome.  i just soaked in all of my observations, thoughts, and feelings.  on our drive home from athens, i was filled with excitement for our oldest knowing she was going to be our first to go off to college.

i feel challenged and charged to prepare her the best we can between today and that day in fourteen years when she is beyond giddy to be in college.  mark and i loved [& were "free" to love] college with every fiber of our being, and i think a large part of that was because of the wonderful parenting we both received.  i could write a whole book about the things i would love to emulate from my dad and mark's parents, but instead, i'll just leave you with the ten traits/characteristics that i hope our kiddos have when they step foot onto their college campus [go dawgs]!

my ten goals for my kiddos as they leave for college:

1. the world is your oyster.  i say this to my kiddos all the time.  i want them to dream big dreams and know the world is filled with unlimited possibility.  i want them to explore uncharted territory and do it with hope and excitement.  you get one life to live, and it's yours for the taking.
2. champion & celebrate.  i am borrowing this phrase from a sweet friend who used it to describe the way her daughter and ellie interact.  i love everything about this phrase.  i want my kiddos to know, love, and celebrate their friends.  i hope they come alongside them and cheer for them.  i hope they speak into their friends about what gifts they see in them.  i hope they are their biggest fans, even if--and especially if--their friend wins and they lose.
3. confident & secure. i want my kiddos to know who and whose they are.  i want them to know they are formed in the image of God to be uniquely them.  that they are wired in a way that is only for them; there is only ONE [insert kiddo name] in the world.  i hope to give them the myers briggs, enneagram, you-name-it test, so they are fully aware of how God created them and can leverage that to reach their full potential.
4. content & delay gratification.  this one is huge.  i always want my kiddos to dream about their future, but i want them to be fully alive in the present.  i don't want their goals and wishes to diminish what they have around them at any given time.  i want them to live within their means and save for the future, but not live in debt and pretend they have a life they cannot afford.  i want them to feel the satisfaction of buying that first piece of furniture for their almost empty home and know that their hard work brought their dreams to fruition.
5. want but not need.  i can use this phrase for many different situations, but my first thought was i want our young adult to want mark and me but not need us.  i want my young adult to go to college and knock it out of the park.  i don't want them to need me to help them get through things but merely want my advice in situations.  i want them to tell me that they found a house to share with roommates and that their share is within the budget we gave them, and me say, "okay!  can't wait to see it!"  my prayer is that our kiddos want to share their lives with us, but they don't feel obligated or like their life is my happiness.  i want them to want but not need.
6. cultivate friendships.  i want my kiddos to understand how to make and how to keep friends.  i want them to go to college having watched mark and me enjoy our college friendships and young married friendships well into decades long friendships.  i want them to know the qualities of a good friend, so that not only can they find them, but they can be them.  i hope they don't adopt the phrase "no new friends."  i hope they look for every opportunity to make connections and work hard to keep the treasures of friends they find.
7. good stewards of time, talent, & treasure.  this is the last line of the first "open" prayer we say with our kiddos at night.  i pray with everything in me that we raise young adults who number their days and become good stewards of all that God has given to them.  i want them to spend time wisely and enjoy each second--whether working or playing.  i want them to use their God-given gifts to glorify God and do great work.  i want them to take care of their earthly people and possessions to the best of their ability.
8. truth in love.  i pray my young adult leaves my home with the confidence to speak truth in love to those around them.  i hope they help their friends [or even just the person next to them in class] make wise choices.  i hope they call out those friends who are making choices that are different than who that person is.  i pray they are bold in their faith.
9. gracious & grateful. you know those words you hope your adult children use to describe you when you're no longer on the earth?  these are my two, and i hope and pray that i can instill being gracious and grateful into my kiddos.  i want them to go home with a friend for the weekend in college and send a thank you note to the parents who hosted them.  i want them to look for ways to bless their friends and family and to think of others first, always.  i want their mindset to be "what i can do for them not what can they do for me".
10. mentor minded.  you could also call this one ministry minded, but i see it as more of a legacy of sorts.  i want my young adult to go off to college and seek out mentors in every area [spiritual, family, professional, etc.].  aside from Jesus, i hope mark and i are the ultimate influencers in our kiddos' lives, but goodness do i pray they have many wise people in their corner.  i also want my young adult to realize they are mentoring others whether it was ever explicitly stated or not.  as my young adults go off to college, their younger siblings will look to them for guidance and example, and i pray they view this role as a privilege and not a burden.

i know i'll revise my "list" for my kiddos as they grow and as i grow, but these were my top thoughts that were swirling around in my head as i was driving around athens.  i am a firm believer in the mantra i first read in baby wise, which is begin as you mean to go. 

what are your goals/dreams for your kiddos as you prepare them for adulthood?  if you have adult kids, what were the things you did to ensure they graduated college as a confident and competent adult?

may moments

hey y'all!  i've recently been thinking a lot about the month of may, and all it contains for so many people and families.  like me, you may read many of the articles about surviving through the end of school; they are usually hilariously written, share oh-so-true feelings, and are words we can all relate to.  but also perhaps like me, you read them and laugh, yet you yearn to finish your school year differently.  i don't know about you, but i want to finish stronger than when i started.  i want to have loved better, to have been present more, and to have my cup be filled more when i head into summer with my kiddos than when we started the school year.

i've decided to adopt the mantra that "may turns moments into memories" versus our cultural "may is madness."  yes, may is filled with the end of the year...which often entails graduation of some level [kindergarten, fifth grade, high school, college...you name it].  if your kiddo isn't the one graduating, maybe it's a family member or close family friend, so you're still invited and involved in the festivities.  maybe you have weddings to attend in may [or you got married in may like me]! or maybe you *just* have preschoolers, babies, or kiddos in non-graduating grades, and the end the school year is just. a. lot.

i refuse to buy into the lie that says may has to be madness.  will may most likely be full?  absolutely.  there are gifts to buy, pictures to take, events and ceremonies to attend, but all of these things do not have to be done with your tank empty.  i firmly believe that less is more in terms of schedule and things.  i'll also give you a tip: mother's day is in may. every. single. year.  planning ahead helps me a ton.  i know who the women are who we get gifts/cards for mother's day.  i know how many teachers my kiddos have and who needs to be acknowledged at the end of the school year.  i also know our may birthdays and plan ahead for those.

i've been thinking a lot about may because it's the month in which little lucy passed away two years ago.  i was telling someone that while our schedule allows, we hope to go somewhere on lucy's heavenversary [or near it] to celebrate her life.  after those words left my mouth, i thought, we make our family schedule.  we can control whether we go or not and whether [to a large extent] we are overwhelmed or not. thus, i started channeling the thought that may is for moments that will turn into memories.

even though there is much to do in may, i do not want the doing to replace the being.  i want to be present for popsicles on the playground and chatting with new friends.  i want to go into summer excited to have the only schedule be the one i make for my little family.  i want my kiddos to come home on their last day of school with grand ideas for summer in their head and me be able to say "YES!" to their visions of grandeur [now, i may have a cup of coffee in my hand because it is may after all], but i want to be just as excited as them and be ready for the adventure and wonder of summer!

all of that to say...who's with me?!  praying for a summer of abundant sunshine, adventure, and energy for us all!